December 2011
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I have heart burn and it hurts to laugh.
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Ultimate Plan
Step 1. Go to a grocery store.
Step 2. Go and collect a cucumber (or zucchini), lube, and a box of condoms.
Step 3. Go to the cash register, look cashier dead in the eyes and say, “I’m putting this in my butt.”
Step 4. Leave, while never breaking eye contact with cashier until completely out the door.
“If you have adventure problems, I feel bad for you son. I dodged 99 arrows, but...”
– The Internet (Thank you internet)
Thank you Mike Judge
Butthead: Hey Beavis. Are you listening? He speaks from the heart.
Beavis: He speaks from his butt.
Me: Tobuscus, I just love you so much.
Toby:
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So charming.
Going through my e-mails, I found an e-mail I had sent to my first boy friend before we had started dating and as a little treat, I’ve decided to post it on here to show off my wicked sweet pick up lines from 2007. Enjoy.
"Hi there Nathan! My name is Sophie Wadden and I'm Connor Waddens little sister, Aarons Pequins little cousin, and 1 of Megan Panells best friend. I don'y know if you...
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I just sent fan mail.
It was the weirdest feeling I’ve ever had knowing that I had even the slightest chance of someone I admired reading my thoughts about them.
I wish I were Clara Balzary. I think it would be so awesome to be Fleas first born daughter. Although, Sunny Bebop Balzary is an awesome name, I think I’d rather be 23 than 6.
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When I was young I saw an ABBA and BeeGee's...
Afterwards, I went to get their autographs. When I was getting my BeeGee’s autographs, my mom said, “It was a great concert, but you guys didn’t sing my daughters favourite song!” and they were all, “What is it?” and she was all, “Night’s on Broadway!” Mfw all of them start belting out Nights on Broadway:
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Why can’t I stop listening to ABBA?
BAM.
Just like that, I was in love with Ryan Adams.
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sierrakvsterbeck-bye-deactivate asked: Have an awesome Christmas or whatever respective holiday you're celebrating right now! :D
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I'm on the toilet.
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My boyfriend introduced me to my favourite song by my favourite band (The Beatles). He’s a keeper.
Watching Anchorman.
Fight scene’s coming up. Easily my favourite part of the movie.
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Human faces are hard to draw.
Especially male mouths. Even more so when they’re black.
Oh wow.
I literally just found out that Jeff Buckley’s dead. Since 1997. A year after I was born. Well, this sucks. Anyways, rest in peace Jeff Buckley.
It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: High School...
Dennis: Mac, you slept with my prom date? How could you?!
Mac: Uh, pretty easy. She was a whore.
The awkward moment when a talking ad comes on and you’re closing all your tabs, but then realize that it was a pop-up and you just closed all your tabs for no reason.
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I’ve had to piss for the last 3 hours, but I got caught up watching Arrested Development on Netflix. And once I stopped, I went on tumblr.
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He was all,
And then I was like,